ON CHILDREN’S
SPORTS TODAY
Remember when you were a kid and
you played all kinds of different sports and participated in various
activities? Fast-forward to today and
that reality has changed drastically for our kids. Someone along the way decided we needed our
children to be specialists at the one sport they love the most. For most kids, it’s the sport their parents
love the most, because they are too young to know the difference. And once it “clicks” with a kid, like the
first time they hit a homerun or score a goal, then it’s game on. They need to play all year long; fall-ball,
winter, spring, summer tournaments. It
never ends. A good friend of mine, a
fellow coach, made a comment asking why we would schedule a vacation during
soccer season. My reply was that its
always soccer season. It has all gotten
extremely insane.
And yet I am one of the biggest
perpetrators of this around. Even though
I openly admit its madness, I actively and willingly participate in this as a
coach and now a member of the board of my children’s soccer league. I love coaching. It is my hobby. Some guys golf. I coach soccer. Which brings me to my present dilemma. The politics of youth sports, namely soccer,
is a wild and precarious beast. And it’s
all based on a long con being pulled on suburban soccer moms and dads the
country over. It’s called “club ball”
and it’s a pack of lies being sold to people to get their money. It promises college scholarships and
glory. But what’s even worse is that
the high schools not only promote this notion of if they didn’t grow up playing
club ball then they’ll never make the high school team, they even refuse to
consider talented athletes who don’t adhere to the model. It’s this fear that’s put into the heart of
parents that lingers over our wallets like a vulture on a limb. And even though
I know it’s all b.s., I also know that its how it is. I can’t change it. I can’t fight against it. But my afore mentioned good friend, my mentor
of soccer coaching, and yes that’s a thing, even though it sounds ridiculous,
but I’ve learned a lot about coaching from him and I use his methods when I
coach my other teams, etc, but this friend of mine is trying to fight against
it and I admire his efforts for it. He’s
right to do it. His rebellion puts me
in a perilous position. On one hand,
his rebellion thus far has been successful and promises to be even more
so. We put together a “select” team of
girls my daughters’ age about two and a half years ago. We trained them ourselves and kept the costs
down, considerably compared to club fees.
In the winter we had a chance to compete against some of the top clubs
around our area and we not only competed at their level we excelled and beat
most of them by large margins. We beat
the number one team (one of the top teams in the state). We got a lot of notice and our team has a
strong reputation now in our area. We
were the Rocky of club soccer. I love
the underdog and it was amazing to see the faces of those people paying
thousands of dollars for a product inferior to what we were offering for a few
hundred bucks at the end of it all.
People stuck around to see what we would do. They watched us beat some serious clubs. Now they’ve started to bring their daughters
to our team. My friend has the potential
to build a team even stronger and bigger than the winter team that was so
successful. It’s important to note that
his daughter is one of the best players on the team. She’s very athletic and aggressive and has a
powerful shot that scores a lot of goals for us. It’s also important to note that my daughters
are not quite up to that level. They
are good players but they don’t have that killer instinct that makes a great
athlete. Right now, one of my daughter
is more into it that the other. But I
always ask them if they still want to play and they always say yes. They both still love to play and I’m of the
belief that soccer is one of the best sports for kids to play for health
reasons. I like the fact that they have
to run around all the time. But on the
select team, the one daughter that’s not into it as much, doesn’t play as much
as the other one, but both are on the cusp of the middle ground as far as
talent on the team goes. Some of that
comes down to personality as much as anything.
On this team, I am the assistant coach, so I have no say on who sits
out. Which is how it should be. When I’m the head coach of my son’s team, I
make those decisions. The head coach,
my friend in question, the rebel leader, has a very high standard for the
girls. Which is something I like about
it. He pushes them all to excel, and
that’s something I think we’ve lost sight of in our modern society. His daughter can and usually does live up to
those standards, where my daughter, the one that’s not as competitive or into
as the other, often falls short of his standards. I get that.
When we were kids there was a thing called a bench-warmer. And the problem is, she’s not that bad at
soccer, she’s better than most girls around, but on this team, of very gifted
players, she’s not quite there. This is
an A level team while, right now, she plays at a B or C level. So it can be awkward at times when she
doesn’t get as much playing time and when she does go in the pressure is so
much on her and her personality isn’t full of confidence anyway and so she
plays tense and it comes across as timid and he pulls her right back out. It breaks my heart. Keep in mind, this is competitive soccer, not
some average rec team playing for fun and not keeping score. So I get that he wants to win and that he’s
going to play the people who play the best.
I do the same thing on my boys team.
I have seen her trying to improve but sometimes I wonder if it’s too
late. But I don’t want for her to give
it up yet. She likes it and its good for
her to push herself at something. Coach
pushes her during practice and I like that.
So here lies part one of my dilemma.
As mentioned before Coach is adding a bunch of new older players to the
roster for next year. He wants his
daughter and his Rocky team to play “up” an age level. I get that. That is very good for his
daughter. Not so good for my daughters,
especially the one that’s not so into it.
It is good for her during practices to play up, but not during the
games. So she’s being trained very
well. But my wife is very concerned that
she’ll never see the field. Now, I’m a
believer that if you think you’re good at something, you’ll be more likely to
try harder at it than if you don’t think you’re good. So sitting the bench all season isn’t going
to make her love soccer or try harder at it.
That’s not her personality. I
wish it were. I wish she was Rudy and
would train and work on it in the off times and try to earn her spot on the
team. But like I said, she’s not that
into it. I wonder though, that if she
thought she was good at it, would she try harder? I know one thing, she has a better shot at
choice B as opposed to choice A.
Another aspect of my dilemma is my
boy’s team. I tried to reproduce the
Rebel team with my son’s age group. I
put together a group of boys who all stood out on their rec teams. I took these All-Stars and put them together
at the end of fall and I thought I had a super team. But when we went into the winter season
against club teams, we got our butts handed to us. Although in fairness, we improved toward the
end of the season. But I found that the
parents didn’t gel like they did on the girls’ team and some of my parents were
unruly and judgmental. I even received
reverse racism in that one parent went over my head and asked if his son could
play for a coach who spoke Spanish. The
white coach doesn’t understand soccer like a Mexican does. I wasn’t offended by this; I found it funny,
but also I had a sense of good riddance toward that parent. He was a nightmare to deal with, walking up
and down the sidelines yelling at his kid in Spanish, micromanaging every move
the kid made. That’s for another
story. My point is, it wasn’t the
wonderful experience I had with the girls’ team and the cool parents and fun
tournaments. Another problem again comes
back to personality. I found coaching my
own son was a challenge of personality and wills. He wouldn’t act the way he sometimes acts
with another coach, refusing to do things, whining about a certain drill he
doesn’t like. We left many practices
with him being grounded from something or another. Of my three kids, however, my son has the most
drive and love of the game. He
understands it better than his sisters ever did and he plays at a higher level
than they did, especially at his age.
He’s three years younger than them.
He enjoys watching it on TV. He
loves to go to the Chicago Fire games and wear his foam finger and yell and
cheer. Soccer is one of our bonds.
Now to back to the long con. I am still aware that in this society, as it
stands, if a child doesn’t play for a club, then they won’t play in high
school. Rebel teams aside. It is inevitable that we will have to take
them to one of these expensive clubs sooner or later. The fear of later being too late,
lingers. Is it too late for my daughter
who isn’t as into it? One of the
positive things a club like the Chicago Fire offers is, they have different
level teams for kids to play on that meets their abilities. So if she gets put on a team that’s C level,
then maybe she would have more playing time and therefore grow more
confident. But that all depends on the
coach. It is unknown. I wish I knew the future but unfortunately,
right now, I don’t. My son and wife
really want him to play for the Chicago Fire.
He loves the idea that it’s the same club as the profession team he so
loves to root for. One of the problems with the Rebel club system
is that we have to find games to play when and where we can. Coach doesn’t want to enter into the regular
club league yet. That’s getting into the expensive side of
things. He thinks we’ll get more games
out of just taking them to tournaments.
He’s right. But my wife likes to
have a set schedule. She likes to know
what’s happening way in advance. The
Rebel club can’t guarantee this regularity, because we are always looking for
tournaments to enter, and in the meantime looking to pick up friendly games
with various people when we can. We
might not know that we have a game in two weeks until the week of.
Peel the onion further to
reveal: The Rebel club is growing. We’ve added several teams this spring to be
carried over into the fall. Something is
building here. I am a part of that. I am a key member of the board who advocates
turning the rec program into something more resembling a club. Even though I know in the long run it is a
futile effort and that we will not achieve club status and recognition by high
school standards and it will have been in vain.
Unless we succeed! And there aren’t
that many obstacles standing now in our way of turning it into a club. Coach has been handed the keys to the castle
and is taking over as Commissioner of the rec program. Which means that there is no one standing in
his way and he can take this program to the next level. It’s exciting and fun to be part of. Like I said before, I love coaching. But it’s not about me; it’s about my kids and
what’s best for them. I am losing a few
boys from my select team, but in the fall I will be gaining several older boys
and we will be playing “up” an age level.
This is good for my son. Unlike
my daughters who might not be able to play up, my son can and will come out of
a season with older boys that much stronger.
But on the other hand there’s that personality clash between my son and
I, where he’d grow more from another coach, in my opinion. But on the other hand, it is a bonding
experience for us. We spend that time
together. My wife really wants to let
him try playing for the Chicago Fire club.
It’s a bigger more established and proven institution in her mind. Plus there’s that set schedule, where you
can prioritize life around it, instead of waiting to make plans until we know
when the games are going to be. She
likes to make plans well in advance. So
I find myself between a rock and a hard place.
I don’t want to be the parent that breaks up the Rebel girl’s team, not
after all they’ve been through together.
They love each other, those girls, and they have real pride in that
team. Plus, Coach and I are very good
friends, and we work very well together.
I don’t want to walk away from a program that I helped establish and let
down those people who have joined in on building it. There are several people coming back to our
anti-club from club teams because they believe in what we’re trying to do. The rebellion is growing.
I thought I had a solution. I proposed that I send my son to the Fire
Club and I stay on as coach of the Select boys Rebel club team. We keep the girls team together for one more
season. But Coach suggested that would
not look good to the parents that are sticking with our model that I don’t
believe in the model, or the idea that an anti-club can exist. It would be kind of weird to coach a team
without having my son on it. I get
that. Coach has been working hard to
keep me involved in the new anti-club and I’m flattered that he thinks I’m such
a good coach or whatever that he needs my help to keep his rebellion
going. So it’s basically down to if I
want to continue to coach I need to keep my son involved. One compromise is that the Fire program
doesn’t yet know where they’ll send my son to play. It’s down to two possibilities. A town fifteen minutes away is possibility
number one and number two is a town thirty minutes or more away. My wife and I agree that number two won’t
work for us. I spoke with a
representative for the Fire and told him that if that’s where they try to send
my son to play that we won’t be participating in the program. So there’s my out for club ball this year. Usually when presented with a choice,
there’s one that’s better than the other.
Here I can see both sides equally.
I’m fine with either outcome. On
one hand, I’ll feel like I’ll be letting some people down. On the other, coaching soccer and running a
league comes with a lot of headaches and stress that I don’t really want or
need. So if he goes with the Fire I
won’t have to deal with as much stuff.
It will be someone else’s problem.
Here’s where I get a little
spiritual or whatever. I grew up as a
Christian. One aspect of Christianity is
that when presented with a dilemma it is always best to leave it in God’s
hands. As corny as that might sound to
some people, I see it as the universe helps us decide things. That’s a passive way of going through life,
sure, but I do want to believe that things happen for a reason. Though, I have friends who will adamantly say
that is NOT true. The curse of my mind
is that I can see all sides of things from many perspectives. It makes my beliefs malleable and constantly
in flux. So I decided to wait and see
where they send my son, to make my final decision. If they say he’s supposed to play in the
town thirty minutes away, then the universe decided I should stay and coach and
help build the anti-club for another year at least. The problem is, Coach wants an answer
sooner, rather than later, and the Fire isn’t letting us know. So I may be forced to decide before the
universe weighs in. But I guess that’s
still the universe deciding? Let’s not
get weird here. But why am I developing
an ulcer over all of this? It’s just little kids playing soccer.
If you’ve read this to its
conclusion and have advice for a man standing on a fence looking at two
pastures, one new and ripe with possibilities and the other established and
proven, but also expensive and a scam and part of the order of things, of which
I always like to rebel against, as is my nature, please feel free to
comment. I could use different takes on
this. If anything its’ a slice of
reality that parents deal with now days with youth sports.
