Sh*t on TV

SH*T ON TV

Nancy Grace turns my stomach and causes me to writhe in disgust and anger.  To steal a line from the show News Room, she sells tragedy porn.  She enjoys the hell out it too.  She wallows in that shit.  Always on the verge of tears that seem a bit too orgasmic to me.  I think her accent is fake.  She’s actually Australian.   Like those kids on Nashville.  People ask me what I watch on TV.  I like cable drama shows, like HBO, Showtime, AMC, etc and I like to watch soccer or footy on the telly.  I may have been British in a past life.  I just feel British or European sometimes. It’s weird.  I sometimes think with a British accent.  Like my internal dialogue is read by a pompous Englishman with a dry wit.

It’s strange when I tell people I watch soccer instead of American football.  To some people it’s like I took a big crap on the American flag or something.  They seem utterly offended by it.   I played soccer in high school.  I coach it now.   I love the beautiful game.  Sorry.  I also like it because it’s NOT American football.  There’s some deep issues I’m sure hidden behind that.  Football and golf!   And now, because of where I live, I add hockey to that list of sports I resent.  Sorry, local friends, I know that’s offensive as well.  I have a rebellious, or non-conformist mind set.  I’m left handed and right eye dominant.  I poop standing up.  Just kidding.  Or do I? 

I was raised in a small town in southwest Missouri, where the high school football team was the end-all-be-all of local sports.  Maybe the basketball team could be considered a far second place.  But soccer was for alternative kids and maybe queers.  Not my terminology keep in mind.  My younger brother was a football star.   My father still watches his high light reels from twenty years ago.  I don’t believe he ever watched a high light reel of me playing soccer.  Not that one exists.  It doesn’t, but you get my point, right?   But anyway, there’s plenty down there but let’s not venture into that rabbit hole for now.

So to satisfy my ornery nature I started, in the past couple of years, to really bone up on my soccer and found the really good soccer stations to see all the big games.  I record all the magazine shows about La Liga and the Premier League.  I really enjoy it.  I used to turn completely away from sports out of resentment, but now that I’m back and on my own terms, I’m loving it.  I tended bar for years and got pretty decent at faking sports conversations.  But really I don’t care about it and always wished I could initiate a conversation about quantum mechanics and the implications of string theory or whatever.  People will assume because I’m a man that I know exactly what they are talking about.  “Oh, you see that game?  Are you kidding me with that?  What happened to our defense?”  So now I like to do that to people with soccer.  “I can’t believe both Messi and Ronaldo are out with hamstring injuries at the same time.  But I tell you what, man, that Gareth Bale really stepped it up in his place for Real Madrid.  But Barcelona’s struggling a little without Messi.  Neymar needs to start scoring goals.  Maybe the fact that Barca’ started losing without Messi after they’d had the strongest start in club history before his injury is another testament to just how important and good he really is.  How about Ozil killing it for Arsenal?”  They just look at you like, what the…?

Those who know me from my Facebook rants, know that the news media is one of the few things that really sets me off.   I don’t want to get all conspiracy theory on you here, at least not yet, but the fact that large corporations own the media and our government, makes the news just another propaganda tool; in my perhaps paranoid opinion.  So I am constantly outraged.   It has turned into a reality show in and of itself.  I wish there was a true news organization not corporately owned but owned by integrity alone, that told you about the broader subjects that affect us all.  Not these scandalous trials.  Ever since OJ, this country has been obsessed with big trials. 

I remember this feeling I had in the first grade.  It was recess time and I stood on a small hill over looking the other kids playing.  I remember thinking, what’s wrong with these people?  Are they really that stupid?  I wish I could recall what they were doing at the time or playing. I think it was their reaction to something that struck me as out of proportion to what really matters.  It’s the same feeling I get when I realize that the only reason our TVs are dominated by shit is because this shit sells.  It’s a free market.  It’s a democracy.  Now the conspiracy theorist will say that it has been designed this way.   They systematically brain washed us, dumbed us down so we all become debt slaves.  Who are they?  The top percentage who owns everything?  Maybe.  I’m mean, it’s true that’s what’s happening.  We’re all turning into debt slaves, so…  Again, there’s so much noise out there it’s really hard to discern the truth.  I’ve seen some compelling evidence but I know, that like in the seventies with back masking, and satanic symbols, that that stuff sells as well.  It’s all a question of the hall of mirrors.  The world is a reflection upon a reflection.  The Beatles figured it out with Helter Skelter, until someone took it a bit too seriously and had some people killed and started a cult.  I wonder if that’s not the cover story for the cover story though.  It’s all sleight-of-hand.  Enough so, that I’m not willing to bet on anyone right now.  Who are the good guys?

It’s hard to trust anyone who’s trying to sell you something.  And these days that’s all there is.  And now with YouTube and blogging and Twitter, that’s all everyone is doing.  Selling themselves.  Look at me.  I see the irony here.  I hope you do too.

But back to TV.  In some ways the cable television show has become the highest of the story telling art forms.   In my opinion it has surpassed the novel in terms of character development, which is what good writing centers around.   As a writer of novels I can say this with some insight.  I would absolutely LOVE to develop a television show.  I actually did it once, based on my latest novel, Devil Music.  It was developed for a short time by a production company but they never found the right show runner or something and the deal dwindled away.  Such is the life of a struggle writer.  But my point is, having written in several formats, the television drama would be for me the greatest thrill and challenge.  The places I could go!   Give me a better literary character than Walter White, I dare you. 

Another frustration with TV is the History Channel and the Science channel and all those who have gone from History and Science to reality TV bullshit!!  American Pickers is not History!   Ancient Aliens, not History!  I want my intellectual TV back.  Where have all the smart people gone?  Bring back that show Great Books.  Teach us about stuff again. 

For most of us the TV is a sort of companion.  A noise maker that keeps us feeling like we’re in touch with society.  A friend of mine says, “As long as we have a chicken in every pot and a boob tube in every living room, people will be content to let whatever happens happen.”  I’m paraphrasing him actually, but that’s the idea.  It’s like the frog in the pot of water.  It doesn’t realize it’s getting hotter until it’s too late to jump out.  And here’s the thing with the conspiracy theories; do they, the Illuminati, plant that information out there, like the symbol on the dollar bill, the Denver Airport stuff, to stir us into a revolution so that they can take away our rights?  You see the expanding track of questions along this train of thought?    Is it a big chess game? 

One huge problem I have with it, is the fact that people are people and assuming there is some secret organization running things, are they really that in unison with each other enough to pull it off?    Or are they vying for their own domination over each other and it has little to do with us?  I think there are some very wealthy people out there who have their fingers in almost every pie there is.  But I don’t know that they are as well organized, intent on evil and in single mind set of this New World Order business as the theorist would have us believe.  We like to assign more power to people and organizations than they deserve.  It makes things make more sense.  It actually gives us a sense of control, if we think we can understand exactly what’s going on.  From my experience, usually what you think is going on, may be related to the truth, but it’s never as simple as you’ve imagined it to be.  There are always many more factors involved.   

I look at Madonna and Jay-Z and think about how many albums they sell and how much money they make and wonder if it’s not all part of the show.  Do I really think Madonna’s a kaballah witch who is in touch with demonic forces that keep her in power?  No.  I have to admit that when first presented with the conspiracy stuff, and I’ll not go into that here, you can easily research all that on your own, as I’m sure many of you have, I first thought something sinister was going on.  It is, it’s called greed, but that’s just the American way.  People eat that shit up.  Remember Led Zeppelin and all that Zoso stuff?  It sold albums.  Not that Zep needed anything but their music but that’s for another blog.

Here’s where I tend to stand on most things, however; I Don’t Know.  But neither do you.   It’s why I love the question mark.  It’s my favorite symbol.   There are many more questions than answers.  Don’t be so arrogant to think you understand the universe.  We’re not even a Class One civilization yet.  We have a long way to go.  Keep questioning!